I am the type of person who has a few close, wonderful friends. I’m not someone who does well in large groups because I don’t like a lot of attention. I feel that sometimes, in large groups of girls, I get overshadowed by someone with a larger than life personality. Trust me, I’m OK with that. I really am.
One thing that I have learned and pretty much accepted in my 31 years on this Earth is who I am. I am not someone who will raise their voice to be heard. I am not someone who will go out of their way to be the center of attention. I actually hate having all eyes on me. I am not someone who demands the attention of others to make themselves feel better about their lives. That’s just not who I am.
And I often feel that because that’s not who I am, I get lost or forgotten about. Ok, forgotten is a strong word. I wasn’t forgotten, but I was definitely overshadowed.
I recently went to Orlando for a Bachelorette party. And as fun and exhausting as it was, it taught me something. I don’t do well with big groups. Somehow I always felt like an outsider looking in; someone overshadowed by someone with a bigger personality.
Let me explain.
The bride to be is my oldest friends. We have been through so much together, and it was an honor to be at her Bachelorette party. It was great to catch up with her and her sisters and to spend time together. I loved that aspect of it. But, there were 9 of us total. 9 girls sharing 2 hotels rooms.
I knew going into the weekend that there would be a lot of girls there. And I accepted the fact that I wouldn’t be hanging out with the bride the entire time (we all stayed together, but there were small groups that broke off here and there). And I knew of the bigger than life personalities that come with the bride’s friends.
What I didn’t expect was how alone I felt in some of those moments. It wasn’t all the time, but it was there. And it was all consuming, almost suffocating. I can’t even really process what happened to make me feel that way. Is this going to always happen when I am in a big group of people? Was it my hormones just going crazy? Was I missing Jeremy so much that I began to feel alone?
How can you feel so alone in the most magical place on Earth? I was in my happy place – Harry Potter, Diagon Alley – so how could I feel like this? Because there were 9 of us and someone wasn’t going to be paired up with someone else. Because with an odd number someone is always alone and left out.