I am probably alone in thinking this, but whenever Jeremy pays me a compliment, I always brush it off. It’s almost like I tell myself that because he’s my husband he has to say things like that. No, that is how I actually feel. And it’s terrible to say that (or type that) out loud.
But it’s true. I can’t just look him in the eye after he has given me a compliment, and just say “Thank you”. I can’t just smile and kiss him because it was so sweet of him to say that. I can’t just enjoy the moment and bask in the fact that he thinks I’m beautiful, or that I look good, or that I smell nice. I just can’t.
Instead, I give him a snarky look and tell him that he has to say these things to me. But you know what? He doesn’t. He doesn’t have to say anything complimentary toward me. He could choose not to tell me sweet things in the mornings as we are getting ready for work. He could choose to just walk on out the door without kissing me goodbye and telling me he loves me. He could choose to make me feel like crap every day and like he doesn’t care.
But he does care about me and he does actually think I am pretty, or thinks I smell good, or thinks that I am beautiful.
So, if he feels these things and says these sweet things, then why can’t I accept them? Why do I brush them off like they are just words spoken instead of a true compliment?
I don’t know where this insecurity came from, but I can tell you that I have always (since at least high school) been this way. It takes work for me to actually believe that someone is being nice and giving me a compliment. And I don’t understand it. I should be so happy to receive a compliment and so grateful. But I’m not.
I brush them off like they are nothing. They aren’t nothing.
They are everything.
And I have to learn to love them and accept them.